Bucks Fizz: Golden Days
"One would hear more vocal passion from an ape under anaesthetic. Inexcusably dim."

David Sylvian: Pulling Punches
"Not, as yet, being dead I find David's foggy moans to be of no great comfort. Perhaps if we dropped red hot coals on his head he might feel something? I somehow doubt it. He sounds like he's about to spend his third year in bed."

Level 42: The Chant Has Just Begun
"Having never been sufficiently drunk to enjoy a Level 42 record, I prescribe the Burmese neck ring to these chumps for being so icy."

Alphaville: Forever Young
"Alphaville embody the frustrated egos of the massively untalented. Should have been drowned at birth."