"In My Opinion . . ."
July 26, 1999
I indulged myself this week and purchased three high-tech
adult toys. One was found with an Internet search, but the other
two I bought from a local supplier. My toys featured durable,
quiet parts guaranteed to last a lifetime. My husband and I have
used our toys incessantly, and we just can't get over how much
they've improved our time together. We've even showed them to our
best friends.
Of course our friends knew how desperately we needed a new dishwasher, toilet, and garbage disposal. After endless kitchen and bathroom floods, clogged pipes, and never-clean dishes, it was obvious. But even though we had to buy such utilitarian appliances, we couldn't resist getting extra fancy, top-of-the-line gadgets.
We bought a super quiet, super deluxe KitchenAid dishwasher. We purchased a pressure flush, low water usage Standard American toilet (the type that sounds like a jet taking off with each flush). Throwing caution to the wind, we splurged and had the plumber install our very first garbage disposal, a powerful Insinkerator.
Our friends marveled at the squeaky clean, sparkling dishes that came out of the dishwasher. We talked in excited voices about its incredibly noiseless cycles as we played Pinochle into the night. Each time someone got up to "freshen up," we'd listen expectantly for the "SWOOSH" of the flushing toilet, secure in knowing that each usage was environmentally friendly.
I haven't really had much of a chance to test out the disposal yet. For some reason the manufacturer chose not to include a list of "do's and don'ts" with it, and having never had one before, I'm not sure what can actually go down the hole. Still, each time the smallest shred of lettuce or peel hits the sink I flamboyantly turn on the faucet, dramatically switch on the disposal, and triumphantly lean on the sideboard and listen as the minuscule scraps churn away and flow down the drain. There's a really good chance that all the water I'm saving with my special toilet and my no-rinse dishwasher is quickly being diverted into my novelty garbage disposal. Ya just gotta love my toys!