"In My Opinion . . ."
Sept. 25, 1999
As I sit here, staring at the clutter that fills the family room, I am struck by the importance of guests. Visitors force order and cleanliness on my otherwise sloppy existence. Without the occasional dinner or overnight guest, my family would wallow contentedly amidst piles of newspapers, dirty dishes, unsorted mail, and various articles of clothing. Our house often has the ambiance of a thrift store.
Sometimes the mere threat of a guest will send us scurrying. Many a Saturday I have commanded a massive frontal assault on the house, ordering the troops to sweep the area for personal belongs, collect the recyclables, and quickly clean up the kitchen and bathrooms. Three of us working frantically for an hour can perform amazing makeovers.
Hiring someone to help clean does not exactly eliminate the need for these furious frenzies of organization. After all, anyone coming to clean is in essence a guest herself. Who wants an outsider to think that your family is a bunch of slobs, regardless of how true it is? Hence the "Quick, get up and clean! Hilda the Happy Housekeeper is coming today!" alert. Cleaners don't clean a messy house.
Timing is crucial. If guests arrive right after Hilda's appearance, you give the impression of an orderly family, one which copes well with the rush of daily life. The effect is temporary, but for a brief time you actually begin to believe that it wouldn't be too hard to keep it this way. What a joke.
