Jan. 18, 1997

I have decided to throw caution to the wind and go public with my shame: I suffer from "Cranial Leakage ad nauseam", often referred to as "BLASD" or "Brain Like a Sieve Disease." This disorder creates chaos and embarrassment in my life.

What are the symptoms of this frustrating disease? How do you know if you or your loved ones suffer from it? I offer the following warning signs:

• You stand in the middle of the living room, trying to remember what you were looking for. Ah-ha! The mail! You go to the kitchen and open the refrigerator.

• You make a date to have dinner with a friend on the 17th and proudly write it down on your kitchen calendar. On the 17th you scrupulously check your pocket appointment book and see that your only commitment is a doctor's appointment after work. Getting a clean bill of health, you treat yourself to a special carry-out dinner, a bottle of wine, and two videos and go home and snuggle in for the night.

• You call the bank to ask for your mother's account information. The teller asks for your social security number, which you memorized over 30 years ago and use on a daily basis, and you glibly rattle off 9 digits. "Want to try again?" the teller asks. You weakly try three more combinations while you frantically rummage through your purse for your old SS card. You shout your mother's maiden name, the score of the last Yankee's game, and the 13 digit phone number of your best friend in Europe in a vain attempt to prove your identity.

• You finally remember the mail and carefully read it, sorting the keepers from the recyclable junk. You immediately recycle the mail and stack the junk on the desk.
  I am forced to resort to using the pathetic excuse all BLASD victims offer on these occasions:

  "I'm so sorry. I just seem to have a brain like a sieve."

  Everyday I continue to toss piles of papers off my desk, rip folders out of my filing cabinet, and claw through the trash can as I try to find the minutes from the last committee meeting, a letter from a concerned parent, or all the grades for this quarter's report cards.

  
  I could go on and on listing more symptoms and painful examples, but for some reason I can't seem to remember them right now. I'm sorry. I just seem to have a brain like a sieve.
  

  

  
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