"The Antiques Dilemma"

There are two types of people in the world: those who are pack rats and those who are not. I fall into the latter group. I only appear to be one because I am too lazy to keep clearing out the holdings of the rest of my family. I place very little value on all the "stuff" which accumulates around our household. I don't mean all the beautiful items which we've collected over the years. I'm talking about the piles and shelves and closets full of . . . well . . . "stuff."

I love the motto, "If you haven't used it in a year you can toss it out." If I had the energy to do it, I'd rent a dumpster for a weekend and simply sack up, shovel out, and toss away anything cluttering up my house: odd toys, old clothes, weird books, broken down appliances, and beaten-up furniture. Every shoebox and bag of assorted doodads and trinkets wouldn't even be opened. I'd just toss it all.

I know that I would, because I have done it before. True, the dumpsters of the past were rented because of major remodeling projects, but I gleefully took advantage of their presence each time by interspersing junk from the house with lath and plaster rubble. Our neatnik contractors encouraged my behavior, not only offering to help but actually suggesting items to dump! Unfortunately, television has altered my perspective. Instead of seeing all my stuff as worthless clutter, I now wonder if it might actually be a treasure trove of valuable antiques!

This is all the result of my passion for "The Antiques Roadshow." The popular T.V. program airs weekly on PBS, while the original British series (which has been around for more than 20 years) appears on BBC America. Week after week I watch as appraisors tell people how some butt-ugly tea pot is worth $975, or how an obscenely cheesy-looking giant clay container is actually a pre-Columbian artifact worth $57,000. Surely I must have something around the house to match these! Do I clean sweepingly and risk losing a priceless heirloom or painstakingly and risk losing my mind? What a dilemma. The one good thing is that so many others watch the program. I don't have to explain why nothing gets cleared out of our house. Everybody else has the same problem and is hoarding clutter like crazy. My only question is, could this be the beginning of the end of the perennial church rummage sale? We'll find out in May!

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