The Deep Stuff
Time to admit that I am even more painfully shy than I thought I was. After hearing about my friend's little conquest, it got me thinking. There is a guy that I am attracted to but can't even get close. I was out and got hit on by a guy that was kind of cute and shut him down so fast. Why? Because when faced with the situation I froze. Complete fear paralyzation. It is like a really bad cartoon. I can't speak, think or react.
I went down the *previous relationship* road for analyzing. I have met them all through a mutual friend, or they have been with guys that I have been friends with first, and none of them have worked out. You know... the old comfort factor.
This whole shy thing and being socially retarded is really bothering me lately if you can't tell. It really has become such a focus for me on what to overcome. It is so funny because when I get to know someone I am so loud, friendly and caring. It just takes me a while to warm up. What is funny is to hear someone describe me as a bull in a china shop. I have also been described as a bitch by people who now know and yes love me, but thought that at first meet. I can be so quiet and off-standish at first and don't smile enough.
I say this because it is an outlet for me. I have friends that read this and people who are just getting to know me and are confused at my actions sometimes and I hope this helps them understand where I am coming from.
I at least have the knowledge that I am a good person (well for the most part) and do have lots of positive qualities. I just hope that I can get over this whole thing and become the person I know I can be.
The Day's Activities
Let's see...
- A crappy conference call to start the day.
- A phone call from my Mom saying that my cel phone called her this morning and all she heard was 2 minutes of me cussing out stupid drivers. Must get call credit, and have a little chat with my cel phone.
- A stupid inter-office confrontation which means more work.
- A good lunch, BTW anything that involves a piece of chocolate white chocolate cake is good.
- More office stupidity.
- A long walk with a friend of mine and her two dogs.
- 2 glasses of wine (mmmm... good cabernet.)
- Dinner and Law & Order.
- Long chat with friend.
Today's Thank U's
~ Thanks to A. for coming in this weekend and today for fixing my poor little demented Mac. I owe you one!
~ Thanks to JB for a highly entertaining chat. I miss ya'!
~ Thanks to B. for dinner, walk, wine, and show and her dogs for letting me play with them and snuggling.
Till next time.
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