Martin Luther King Day
WARNING: SUPER LONG
1/17/2000  

There are so many ways that our history has changed but unfortunately there are still so many things that remain the same. On this, Martin Luther King Day, I find it very appropriate to bring up the subjects of sexism, racism and prejudice. All of which are still alive and well, unfortunately. I have been the recipient of all three and try very hard not to be the deliverer of such abuse.

I grew up in a household that had family that thought in these negative tones. My Father grew up in a neighborhood where he was a minority. He learned to be not only prejudice but also racist to some degree against the majority that he grew up in. My Grandmother (my Mom's Mom) was raised in the south and was extremely bigoted/racist and prejudiced against anyone that was not "like" her. That is the one thing that kept me from ever having a relationship with her. 

I can remember being a very young girl, and having a friend named Kim. She lived down the street from me. She was one of the two other girls within walking distance from me growing up. All of the rest of my playmates/friends were boys. I loved her company and she was very special. She was deaf. She could read lips and sign. That never stopped us from being friends. Instinctually we understood each other. We had our own language called fun. We just understood (for the most part) what we wanted to communicate to the other. For those times that we didn't understand what the other was trying to get across her parents were there to translate and after we got the information we would immediately run off and do our own thing again.

She introduced me to a world of dolls and girly things, which I was never really into. I loved her and always had such fun spending time with her. I liked it because we could share our worlds and be happy in our own little space without the knowledge of the world outside and it's ugliness.

I bring this up because she was part Black and part Mexican. I didn't understand what that meant till my Grandmother came to visit us. Kim came over to see if I could play. She came to get me and walk back to her house because a.) she was more comfortable since her parents could translate if needed, b.) we were building the house we lived and it was nowhere near safe, c.) she had all the girly things to play with. My luck, my Grandmother answered the door. I felt bad because I am sure thinking back that she had no idea what to do. My family all knew who she was and what she wanted and how to handle the situation. My Grandmother shut the door on her and called to my Mother that there was some little nigger girl at the door who was deaf and dumb. 

My horrified Mother told me to go play. I grabbed my coat and went to Kim's house. I knew that something bad had happened. I knew that tone of voice and that look from all of the many times I had gotten in trouble or upset her. I didn't understand what I had done wrong.

It was when I got home that I asked her about it. That was my first real lesson in that people don't always see people for their positive aspects. Kim moved away but it was something that always has upset me about my Grandmother. My Mom was polite but I too could see the frustration and embarrassment on her part trying to explain the attitude of my Grandmother.

Of all of the people in my life I would have figured that my Father would be the most tolerable to prejudice and racism. His last name is Mendez and everyone just assumes that he is Mexican due to the fact that is a common proper name in Mexico and most Latin based countries. It is the equivalent of Smith or Jones.

My next big racism/prejudice incident revolves around this. Even though I had experienced minor incidents of being questioned about my Mexican heritage even though I am not Mexican. 

When I was in Jr. High my history teacher had a real problem with me. I was always in trouble no matter what I said or did. I was extremely self-conscious as a kid to begin with and then to get that kind of treatment from a teacher of my favorite subject was devastating. I have always had problems sleeping whether from not being able to sleep but also from nightmares and dreams. When I get out of that phase I can barely stay awake. My Father knew this and got me some NoDoz to help me stay awake for classes. I was asked by one of my classmates for one and naively said yes. They insisted on giving me a quarter for it, just like a smoker who bums a cigarette from someone does. Well the next thing I know I am getting called in to the principal's office being busted for drugs. Along sitting next to me was other 12, 13 and 14 year old kids that were actually being arrested and charges filed against them for possession and trafficking not just pot but narcotics, cocaine and heroin. So this school was not in the best neighborhood but still. So I am sitting there not knowing what the hell is going on and being questioned by the police only for them to laugh at the fact that this particular history teacher wanted me arrested for possession and trafficking caffeine. After all of the other students were taken away by the police I was left there to wait for my Mother to come get me. The principal had let this history teacher not only supervise but determine the punishment. I had received 5 days suspension while the kid next to me with the cocaine got only 3 days. All of this hubbub for something that any kid could get from the Safeway just 2 blocks from the school.

So all of these words just to get to a point. Sorry for the long windedness. When my Father found out he took me to California with him for a few days. He felt it was idiotic and that something else was going on here. When the school found out, I was called back in even though it was still part of my detention time. My Father took me in. That is when the fur started flying. My Father tried explaining to him and the principal how incredibly stupid this was and the principal did agree. That is when my history teacher called my Father a worthless stupid spic. I was floored. I swear I could hear the principal's jaw hit the floor and lock open. That is when my Father's prejudice kicked in and called my history teacher a nigger. Yes my history teacher was black. The next thing I know Daddy dearest was ducking a swing and the principal was trying to break them up and a secretary escorted me out of the room. We did not speak on the way home. I was disappointed and confused. Needless to say I didn't ever have to go back into that classroom again but I never knew where all of that anger from both sides came from. 

I changed schools that next year and luckily developed new friends. My Father did not like choice of friends I made. My 13th birthday party he realized that I had a diverse variety of friends including multiple origins of Asian, Black and Mexican friends. Yet again I saw the racism and prejudice come out and rear it's ugly head. I always was afraid it would be my Mother that would show this because of the fact that she was raised in Alabama during the whole civil rights movements. I couldn't have been more wrong. She was the most loving and understanding person of anyone I knew.

She has the gift of seeing through all of the stupidity of colors, origins and ethnicity to see people the way they really are. If you are a jackass she will tell you that. If you are a nice person she will tell you that. The package on the outside never comes in to play. Good bad, ugly, great, funny or wonderful the rest doesn't matter. She, luckily, gave me that gift. She also taught me to never judge a book by its cover and the history preface. Of all the people her values and attitudes have affected me the most.

That takes me to the section of sexism. I learned my early lessons of this too from my Mother. As a working woman, a smart and intelligent computer geek, she faced many obstacles just because she was a woman. That glass ceiling was a part of her experiences not just in the 80's but also since the 60's. She was told that she needed to be a secretary. Nope I don't think so. That was my reaction when she tried to explain this to me. She was into math, science and computers. Why take notes and fetch coffee? I was shocked to hear stories from work when I was a teenager. There was an incident of her sitting at a table in a meeting and getting asked by one of the big wigs "what was she doing sitting at the guys table?" I figured that by the time I got out in to the working world that would be gone since it is just stupid. Boy was I wrong.

It still exists today. Most men when they are talking to a female co-worker still stare at other body parts besides their eyes. If a female co-worker gets married most likely a male co-worker will ask her when she plans on having kids. If a female is strong and assertive she is considered to either be PMSing or a bitch. The male counterpart usually gets promoted. We still make less money than our male counterpart in an identical position. And god forbid that you should be nice to your male co-workers and be genuinely sweet, they will use it against you at some point to their advantage. Females need to learn to play this game better to even up the playing field.  Me in particular.

Most people don't have the character strength to overcome all the obstacles to win the game of the good old boys network.  This procedure is still in operation and I find it in my day to day life in the corporate world.

Things have changed, but in many ways stayed the same. We need to move that slider bar back to the middle. It is going to be a long and continuing process to remove all of the residual sexism that has been imbedded into our society for thousands of years. 

When it comes to removing sexism, racism and prejudice from our way of thinking, most people are too afraid to overcome the anger because then they would have to deal with the fear and uncertainty that comes to the surface after the anger and loathing are gone.

At least become more aware of it. We all do and say stupid things that are based on fear. We need to individually become aware of it and find out the reasons for the fear and the root of where they came. It is only then that we will become a better civilization and continue leaving a legacy that is truly worthy of the future generations.

Till Next Time....